separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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