addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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