There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
