I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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