I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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