When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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