I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
