Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
