Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
