we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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