i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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