So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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