i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize