I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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