did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
