Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
