Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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