So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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