so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
