Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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