i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
