I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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