just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
