can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
