Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Randomize
