I must be too annoying 4 u.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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