i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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