look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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