Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize