i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
