thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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