This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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