Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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