i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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