People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
