Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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