you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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