who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
