Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
