It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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