i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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