I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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