Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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