At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
