I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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