he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
