we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
