Screwed.edu
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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