Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
