u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize