Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
