I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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