I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
