I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
