Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
