pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
