vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
