I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
