ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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