My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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