Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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