So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
