**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
