It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
