oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
