is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
